dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
