this boner is exhausting
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
