Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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