guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
