Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
