TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
