Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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