not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
