Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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