you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
