i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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