yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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