I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
