So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
