Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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