there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
