how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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