hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
