Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
