I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
