My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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