I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
