I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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