Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
