Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
