the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This baby is an asshole
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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