Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
