hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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