We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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