also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
