I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
