thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
