This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
