I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
