So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
