i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
