Cold hands, warm shart.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
