I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
