And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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