Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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