It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
