I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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