i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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