guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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