I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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