Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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