My room smells like vodka and shame
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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