haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
