I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
