I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
