ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
